Tuesday Ten: Ways to Irritate an Editor

This list is compiled from years of conference-going, listening to editors and agents bemoan the tactics that writers-at-large use to gain their attention. And, in a way, these things work. You gain attention…

…just not the kind of attention you want!

Hope you enjoy :~)

Things Not to SAY to an Editor/Agent

1. I will call next week to see how you liked my manuscript.
2. Hope you enjoyed the glitter confetti.
3. My mother/children/class loved it!
4. You only think I should make that change because you don’t understand.
5. This is the next Twilight!
6. This is the next Harry Potter!
7. This book will appeal to all audiences.
8. I’m submitting this to you because I really loved novel X (which hasn’t, actually, been released yet.)
9. Dear Mr. Green…when “Mr. Green” is actually “Ms.”
10. I know you don’t usually publish children’s books, but….

Things Not to DO to an Editor/Agent

1. Show up at their office unexpectedly.
2. Call when you don’t have a relationship.
3. Call when you DO have a relationship—for the forty-seventh time that week.
4. Cry.
5. Throw your plate of spaghetti at them for rejecting your perfect prose.
6. Slide your manuscript under their hotel room door.
7. Corner them in the bathroom.
8. Send them gifts (unless, of course, those gifts involve chocolate.)
9. Send them a manuscript signature required (or postage due!)
10. Drop off your laptop to force them to read your manuscript, so that they have to call the bomb squad.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I believe that all of these things have actually happened! Makes ya want to go out there and hug an editor today, right?

Although maybe that’s not a good idea, either. Unless you know them :)

PS: The picture shown to the right is “How Not to Pitch” from Anna-Maria Crum, and it’s on my coffee mug. Just in case I forget!